A King Was Looking For Someone To Marry His Daughter...

...The king summoned all eligible men in the kingdom to find her daughter a husband. This was the condition: the prospective prince should be able to make the king's horse laugh and cry at the same time.

No one was successful until Jose had his turn. He walks over to the horse, whispers into its ear, then the horse laughs. Everyone was amazed. After a few seconds, the horse was crying. Everyone was even more amazed. Finally, they found the princess her prince.

The King was curious and asked Jose how he did it:

King: That was amazing! When you whispered into the horse's ear, and made him laugh, what did you tell him?

Jose: I told him my d*ck was bigger than his.

King: Ha ha ha!!! So why did he cry??

Jose: Because I showed him my d*ck!


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Husband-Wife Stereotype

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!”

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.

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There’s No One Like a Blonde

At work there were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde, who worked together at the office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

Near the end of the day, the boss left and so did they.

The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning.

The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date.

The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.

"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"