A Guy Came Home One Day After Getting Fired From Work...

... He was so depressed that he decided to end it all and kill himself.
He went to the medicine cabinet, pulled out a bottle and began to swallow a handful of Prozac pills he found there.

After the first few he felt a lot better.

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Honeymoon Couples

Bride and groom in the hotel suite. Groom removes his shoes and socks to reveal minging toes."OOh" says the bride "wot happened to your toes? Their all bent and odd" Groom repies"As a child I had TOELIO" "You mean polio?"
"No TOELIO.Its a disease that only affects the toes."
The groom proceeds to remove his trousers
"Goodness" says the bride."Wot happened to your knees? Their all deformed and lumpy"
"As a child I had KNEASLES"
"You mean measles?"
"No a rare illness which only affects the knees"The groom replies.
The groom removes his boxers,
"Dont tell me" says the bride "SMALLCOX"

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For Your Calamity!!!!!!!? Bra Sizes!!!!!!

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted.

Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

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*Spark*

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, young man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them.

Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's hand.

She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said: "Clean…. My…. House."


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"What's Your Name?"

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new man.

"John," the new man replied.

The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new man sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

(Long Pause)

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "